How to Overcome the Cheat Meal
You did it. You were a bad, dirty girl—again. You were looking forward to it all week. Thinking about it, building up the anticipation, glowing with excitement when it was placed in front of you. You made sure to reduce your portions all week, even skipped lunch to make sure you saved the calories for it. This was your one time of freedom. Letting loose. You deserved it.
Until… two hours later hit and you felt the guilt of consuming it. The shame of continuing to eat even when you were full. Not just that. Having another serving, another drink. Waking up and deciding you overdid it, you ruined your progress. The only way to fight back those calories is to skip breakfast and sweat it out.
And your body will, of course, realize that is exactly what you are trying to do. You want to burn the calories so that it didn’t happen. Your body won’t store fat. You decide to make meals smaller; that way you can stay within your weight loss goals too. Might as well make up for the calories and lose weight at the same time!
You decide you can’t have those types of things anymore and swear that this was the last time. You know better! It wasn’t worth it. You dive deep into TikTok and Instagram for weight-loss friendly meals.
Fast forward two weeks, and you have been so good with your food. You have gone to the gym every day. The girls are getting together to celebrate, and you’re so down. You decide that you’ll get the salad (because obviously, it’s healthiest), stick with lighter calorie drinks, and skip a meal today to ensure you have calories saved up. You’ll refuse dessert…
Until that lustrous waiter places it on the table, with just the right number of spoons and your girls are telling you that you must try it.
Rinse and repeat the cycle of “just this once.” It’s a cheat meal anyway. I’ll make up for it tomorrow.
Oops -– I hate myself.
The Reality
Hi there. You have done this before, multiple times. Why not face the reality that your strategy is not working for you? And I need you to read this very carefully: cheat meals are not a thing. I am going to pick apart those beliefs and rules I thoroughly walked you through in the prior section, then give you a new strategy that has worked for my clients.
You did it. You were a bad, dirty girl—again.
Were you truly bad because you had the treat? I mean, really? Did you get in trouble? Go to jail? First, there is nothing inherently bad (or good, for that matter) about food. Food choices are not a reflection of your morals and life decisions. I want you to place yourself back into the dinner with the girls and ask yourself: did you enjoy the treat? Did you have a good time? How would you have felt if you refused to enjoy yourself? Hint: tortured and isolated should come to mind.
What to do instead:
I need you to understand that you are not a bad person for eating dessert, nor did you make a bad decision in a moment where you felt happy. This does not change overnight, but when you start to hear negative self-talk, pause. Ask yourself what you would tell your best friend right now if she was communicating these thoughts to you? Say those words out loud. Repeat this every time this happens. I am aware this reads as crazy, but over time with you speaking out loud and talking like you would to your best friend, that bad, dirty girl occurs less and her visits are shorter. It is important that you do not ignore and suppress those thoughts.
You reduced your portions all week, skipped lunch to save the calories for it.
Reducing portions and skipping meals will leave you feeling more famished, tired, and impulsive towards food because your body is looking for energy. You are more likely to gravitate towards the higher calorie foods, grazing, and overeating because of this system. Ironic, right? That was exactly what you were trying to avoid in the first place.
Let me put it this clearly: intentionally reducing portions, saving calories, and skipping meals does not tell your body to save calories for the big meal. It only tells your body, “I am starving you for no apparent reason.”
What to do instead:
I want you to have your regular portions throughout the day and week leading up to the meal. There will be no skipping meals, and you are to eat consistently. With that being said, you can adjust meals to support a balanced average calorie intake for the week. For example, instead of pasta for dinner one night, you would opt for ½ pasta, ½ spaghetti squash; choose a leaner cut of meat for a couple of days, such as chicken breast instead of thigh or shrimp instead of salmon; or, instead of rice, opt for additional vegetables.
Notice how you are not eating less or skipping meals? But, rather, you are still eating and managing calories to allow for more flexibility.
You burned the calories so your body won’t store fat from it.
Calories burned do not equate to calories eaten. If your fancy smart watch indicated 500 calories burned for the day, it does not equate to a 500-calorie meal not existing thanks to those burnt calories. In fact, the calorie burned numbers on watches and exercise equipment are very, very inaccurate. For example, you went on the Peloton for 30 minutes and burned 500 calories. Wow! Thank goodness. Congratulations, now that is equivalent to one large Raspberry Riot smoothie from Netkar that you can finish in ten minutes. Even more depressing? Remember that salad you thought was the healthiest option? The Chicken, Spinach, and Apple Salad from Sauce Pizza and Wine is about 410 calories. By your logic, you did 30 minutes of work to earn one meal.
What to do instead:
Do not worry about calories burned and be aware if you are using it to earn food or negate meals. Instead of focusing on movement to earn or negate, use movement as a form of self-care, building muscle and gaining confidence. If you feel better going for a walk after meals, do that. But don’t do it for any reason of earning.
You make meals smaller to stay within weight loss goals.
Yes. In theory, your meals need to be adjusted for a fat-loss phase. However, making meals smaller to make up for the behavior of over-doing it/cheat meals is a separate discussion. This is known as the binge-restrict cycle. I bet you didn’t like reading that, did you? Yes. Binge: overate, overindulged, said fxck it. Restrict: limit food, reduce quantity. Cycle: repeat behavior.
If you want weight loss, I support that within reason. If you want weight loss, you can still dine out, have the sultry meals, and the treats. You need to learn how to adjust and accommodate meals throughout the week for that. You can still see progress while enjoying yourself and food, all while managing expectations and having a plan.
What to do instead:
If you are truly in a weight loss phase, then you need to plan for these high-indulgent meals. Weight loss is a long game, not a quick fix and solving the problem later. Not only that, but you will be able to keep the weight off and feel confident about choices when preparing, planning, and forecasting meals. If you are in a weight-loss phase and “overdid it,” just go back to your regular program of meals. It’s as simple as that.
You restrict those items and swear them off.
Here’s a story from graduate school days when I was at my most “I must eat healthy because I am healthy and you don’t understand” self. Morie made the most delicious treats for our class. Absolutely delightful, gooey cookies. However, since I was the healthy one of the class, I would refrain from eating them. I would spend the whole class. No – I am sorry… the whole day, thinking and staring at the cookies. If I refused, I would congratulate myself on how good I was for doing that. If I took cookies home? Demolished in five minutes, if they even made it home.
Swearing off food groups and specific foods leads to restrictive eating. Only to want them more. You will perseverate on them. You will break down someday and feel guilt and shame for eating it.
What to do instead:
Give yourself permission to eat the food. You absolutely can have the food, and you absolutely can refuse to have the food because you do not enjoy it.
A. If you enjoy the food, you can ask yourself if you will treat yourself like an axxhole after eating it. Walk through what is the worst thing that could happen if you have the food. Is that a logical outcome? When you proceed to eat the food, do it slowly. Check in with how delicious it is and what you’re tasting. Then, when bad girl RiRi inevitably returns, go back to the first section where I talk about what to do when you start negative self-talk and work through it. It is important that you do not ignore and suppress those thoughts.
B. If you do not actually like the food, then don’t have it and that’s okay.
You dive deep into TikTok and Instagram for weight loss friendly meals.
Using AI and social media to collect information is you just collecting more information and avoiding the hard work. You already have the information. Collecting more information doesn’t change your action. Action and accountability change your outcomes.
What to do instead:
Channel your future self and ask how she would treat you in the now. Go back to the basics of aiming for a protein at each meal, two colors with each meal, mostly whole foods, and eating consistently. No AI or social media reel is going to solve the program which is your own behavior. Sure, they can give you direction and help, but it ultimately comes out to you taking the action and creating resistance towards the easy path.
You have been so good with your food.
Old you focused on being “good” with your meals after these unworthy meals. I have a question: did you get an award? Did others congratulate you that you did well? What happens when you consider a food bad, but others may consider it good? Reminder that food is not a moral reflection of good and bad decisions.
What to do instead:
I want you to consider foods on a spectrum, with the bottom being least nutrient-dense and the top being the most nutrient-dense. For example, strawberry ice cream would be less nutrient-dense, and strawberries would be more nutrient-dense. If you are choosing to have a less nutrient-dense dinner option tonight, opt to increase your nutrient density in meals leading up to dinner. This is flexibility. You want most of your week to have nutrient density, with occasional items of less nutrient density.
You decide that you’ll get the salad (because obviously it’s healthy).
Speaking of nutrient density, salads are not always top tier. Think of your typical salad types:
1. The grab-and-go -- lettuce, a couple tomatoes, a few shredded carrots, and your dressing. The majority of the calories are coming from the dressing. There is essentially no filling item from the food and where is the protein? I would put this in less nutrient-dense category.
2. The restaurant salad – it’s a large bowl with a protein, nuts, dried cranberries, cheese, and drenched in dressing. There’s not much there besides the protein. Sure, you could say the lettuce itself is a color, along with the nuts and cranberries, but those are not going to help you feel satiated and full. Again, less nutrient-dense.
3. The homemade salad – you add the lettuce or spinach, a couple handfuls of various vegetables, a sprinkle of seeds, a good serving of protein, and measure the dressing. This is going to be your most nutrient dense option, especially with adding multiple colors of vegetables and fruits, a solid carb, and truly measuring out the dressing portion.
Ordering salads at restaurants is not always the most nutrient-dense choice. If you look at the menu or put it in your calorie tracker, I want you to compare to the chicken, fish, or beef entre to the salad. If you truly prefer the salad, that’s great, and you should select it. If you are only getting the salad because you believe it’s the better option - wrong. Take Outback for example; the Caesar salad with dressing and no protein is approximately 490 calories. Add 5 ounces of chicken and that brings it to approximately 790 calories for the salad. In contrast, the Grilled Chicken on the Barbie with eight ounces of chicken is 500 calories. If you add in the two sides of asparagus (50 calories) and a potato (items on side equate to approximately 200 calories), you are still out ahead by 40 calories. With that, you are getting more protein, more nutrients, and will feel satiated for longer. I imagine you don’t eat the whole chicken portion either, and you can use leftovers for your breakfast the next morning.
What to do instead:
That was a long-winded way to say just because it looks healthy does not mean it is healthy.Sometimes the meat portion with sides will serve your goals better. If you are unsure, talk with your coach. If you are not working with a coach, put the calories into your tracker and compare the two items you are deciding between. You can use AI to help decipher which would be the better choice for you with your goals in mind.
Cheat Meals Aren’t a Thing.
When has cheating even been deemed good? Cheat meals indicate you were dishonest, lied, and did a bad action, none of which is true. If you cheated, you might as well do it again, right? You already did the act, what does it matter if you did it once or 50 more times? If you are going to choose to cheat with food, you can simply accept the reality of this and give yourself permission to continue to cheat. But that’s not what you want.
The first step in overcoming cheat meals is modifying how you communicate the way you eat. The next is to practice this modification over and over again. I am talking years of practice of identifying and reframing your thoughts and behaviors. I know years sounds tedious and enduring, but I promise you that it gets easier. Think of all the meals you consider cheats: holidays, summer parties, boat days, birthdays, happy hours, fancy dinners with your significant other for date nights, Father’s and Mother’s days, Valentine’s, anniversaries, celebratory dinners for a raise and promotion, sad dinners for break ups, and “I haven’t seen you in forever” meals. You are going to have plenty of opportunities to work through this and feel less fatigued and guilty after meals.
What’s the TLDR?
- Stop using the word cheat meals.
- Have consistent meals throughout the week, even on the day of the big meal.
- The day after the meal, return to your baseline behaviors of nutrition.
- Use movement as a way of enjoyment and strength, not punishment or burnt calories.
- Really work on how you talk to yourself.
